Can I love my second child the same as my first?
From the moment the test came up positive, The excitement & Happiness filled my body. I was home alone as hubby was working nights, I sat in this little bubble for a good 15 minutes before I started to function again. I was shocked I never expected it to come up positive. After all I was only testing because I had a test lying around. But here I was shaking knowing we were pregnant with our second child.
I couldn’t ring my husband as he wasn’t allowed to use his phone while working, So I sent a text telling him to call me as soon as he could. Everything started hitting me, That I would have to go through the whole labor thing again & That was it. The panic attack set in! Edwards birth was so traumatic I wasn’t sure if I could do it again. Hubby finally called & I told him, He was just as sucked as I was but happy. He couldn’t believe it! We said we would do a clear blue the next day to get a rough estimate of how far we were along.
It is really possible?
We got the test & Went over to my sister in-laws & Took the test, It come back 2-3 week’s. I always find out early so then it drags until our first scan! We decided we would get a private sex scan at 16 weeks. We told our families now it was just the waiting game.
Then the panic rushed in, How could I love another child like I love my first? All my love was for Edward. He is my baby, My first-born! I just couldn’t come to terms with loving another child. The guilt was smothering me I felt bad because I couldn’t see it being possible! I was scared. I didn’t want to not be able to love him like I should. Everyone deserves love & I knew I loved him but I didn’t know if I could ever love him like I love Edward. Everyone I spoke to said you will, It will be fine! That was just words I thought.
The Panic was setting in.
My full pregnancy was full of worry, I was worried about every little pain I got due to my first pregnancy when I miscarried, I was worried about not being able to love my baby as much as I should. I was in pain constantly as I suffered with SPD & I suffered with really painful migraines so that worried me too.
Then the 17th of July came & Gone, I was still very much pregnant! But come 11pm on the 25th of July, 8 days over due! I kept getting little niggles but I was fine, I called my mother & She was begging me to get a taxi to hers! I just wanted my own bed & Some sleep. But by 3am she talked me in to it! Off we went! Everything was good but come 8am the pains come a little stronger by 10am they were a lot stronger.
I had a bath & Got ready for hospital, 11:45 we arrived at the hospital. Sat in the waiting room waiting to be seen, Finally after waiting & Getting checked, 20 minutes had passed & I was 5cm dilated but he was ready to come now. I decided I would try the birthing pool, My waters went & It was noticed he pooped inside so I had to get out & Deliver him. Few pushes & He was here! 13:02pm he was born!
It is possible! I loved him like I did with my first!
As soon as he was placed on my chest the love just flowed! Instantly I loved him so so much, Just like I did Edward. I spent my whole pregnancy worrying about that day & I shouldn’t have! I love them both equally. My heart is full, We are content & Our little family is complete. Just the four of us.