I hate this feeling.


I Hate This Feeling-With Love Zoe

I guess it’s that time again for my emotions to go a little wild. Not only do I feel like crap but no doubt my husband does too. I just can’t shrug this feeling off right now.

Why do I keep feeling like this? I hate feelings & emotions at the best of times. I can’t remember what it feels like to be normal anymore.

I Hate This Feeling-With Love Zoe

Over the last week or so I just haven’t felt myself at all, I don’t know why. I can’t think of anything that’s made me upset & Just want to be alone. I’m guessing it’s the depression putting it’s ore in! As per. The lack of sleep could also be a factor but that’s normal. I’m a night owl, Just not by choice.

Ever since getting depression I have never been able to sleep at a decent hour. You know like a normal person. 4am onwards is normal bedtime for me! Not great. But that’s life & I’m a mother so needs must. There isn’t time to be sitting around! It’s getting hard. Hard to work out if I am actually happy or am I just excellent at hiding behind the fake smile now after all these years? I don’t know. You’re probably thinking she doesn’t know much, Truth be told I really don’t.


It does make me wonder how my husband puts up with me feeling like this. It has to be hard, I find it hard myself. When I’m feeling down I would just happily hide away with the boys & Not return until I am feeling better. The boys are a great pick me up, Bless them. They are my little ray of sunshine’s. some days I just feel like giving up & Doing it alone with just the boys & Letting my husband go & Be happy Like he should be. He doesn’t agree with me but how can you be happy with me? Every few weeks I’m down & I don’t want to drag him down. It’s only because I love & Care about him. From being 15-year-old he has been my rock, Always by my side to wipe my tears. He really is an angel is disguise.

Truth Is I don’t know what I would do without him. But he didn’t ask to be stuck with a wife with depression & It’s probably not how he imagined his life would be either. He says he doesn’t care, He loves me for who I am but it still doesn’t stop me feeling guilty. Everyone deserves happiness & I can’t say we aren’t happy because we are but I do have my days my off days let’s call them.


Everything just seems to be getting on top lately, Too much for my brain to handle. My health has went on the funny side & I quite frankly have no idea what’s going on. The rash just keeps reappearing its ugly head & I swell up out of no where. My joints ache & Sometimes it does get hard to do day-to-day stuff when I’m in pain. I have no idea if this will eventually all stop or if I will have it forever. Either way I don’t think my legs will ever be on show in public again.

But hey you know what I will be fine, Just a few days & Hopefully I will be feeling like my normal self again. Even better the boys break up Thursday so I will have a whole week of them being home. Yay!!

With Love Zoe

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